December Sun
Ozarks. December 23, 2021. Photo by Margaret Burke.
Dec. 21, 2021
Christmas music is everywhere. It seeps into every store, coffee shop, gas station, commercial. I find that it almost loses its festive vibes and turns into a pushy, all-consuming stressor, much like a relative pushing you to have a third piece of too-sweet cake. It is almost too much to take.
One thing I have figured out is that the holidays are somewhat overwhelming. I have always felt uncomfortable around this time of year. Even as a kid, I noticed my mood would shift during this time of the year. Usually, my siblings and I would be moved from my mom's to my bio dad's house for visitation. This particular year, I didn't feel like celebrating Christmas. I did decide to go to a cabin for a little while with two friends. Somewhere quiet to read, play card games, be by a fireplace, and let go of the world for a bit.
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Dec. 25, 2021
Right now, it is nearly 70 degrees with a slight breeze coming off the lake in the Ozarks. Minus the shimmery sounds of wind chimes, it reminds me of going to my grandparent's cabin near Henning, Minnesota. Even with it feeling like Spring outside, I am reminded of this balmy Christmas Day of climate change for a brief moment. When watching cable, I am reminded by a rather lengthy Google commercial of how terrible the last two years have been on the world with an Olivia Rodrigo song playing over it.
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For the first time in months, I feel a sense of peace. I will be driving back and going back to work on Monday. I already feel the dread of the end of the getaway coming to an end.
My friends are napping while I sit out on the lower porch as the December sun sits low in the sky. The air is still with the sun's warmth hits on the left side of my body. There are critters of all kinds scurrying in the leaves alongside the lake. Squirrels chasing one another, chirping. I spot a Red Cardinal sitting on a tree branch with clusters of branches with few leaves left on them. Whenever I see one, I like to think my grandmother says hi to me since they were her favorite kind of bird.
I will be making brined pork chops with mashed lima beans in a couple of hours. I have not made either dish before and working in a little tiny kitchen. In some strange way, I enjoy the domestic nature of making coffee and food for others. Maybe in a way, it reminds me of being in the studio, and I feel more productive. That I did something with my time rather than dwelling on my phone. If I would have to count on hand how many times I actively stared at my phone for longer than five minutes in the past couple of days.
I have never felt more alive.
